Happy Halloween people hope you all are having a wonderful day.

So i went out tonight to hangout with her we watched "Meet the fockers" its a good funny movie .... i spent the whole time with a smile on my face and happiness overall ... i could hold her forever ... i love being around her and i love to just hold her ... once the movie was over we just layed there as she slept on me .... i layed there holding her wishing it wouldnt end .. wishing i could do this forever there were a few times i just wanted to lean the inch or two to kiss her but i knew she was really really tired and i didnt want to take advantage of her .. thats not the person i am so i held off

im going to take her out next weekend to St Elmo's Steakhouse and to see a movie ... i hope its a good evening .. she deserves it so goes through so much stress with everything she deserves a good night out relaxing and just having a good time

i want to be here for her i want to provide what i can for her ... i want to do anything posiable for her but she's stubborn and i know it .. so i only do what she will let me .. and im content with that

Tonight though i wish it could have lasted forever .... i loved holding her .. just being there for her

She's in my head she's on my mind no matter what i do or where i go im thinking about her ... i know where just friends i wish it could be more but all i can do is sit here ... hope i might get a chance knowing i probably wont like highschool friends i sit here and stare ... just stare at her and smile .. wishing it wasnt just friends hoping it was more knowing it wont be ... its ok i know i'll never let her drift farther away .. i just wish i could be closer ... just to hold her ... have her resting aginst me while i wrap my arms around her ... just hold her for hours ... i could spend eternity like that .... just holding ...... holding the one i care about the one i wish could be mine

looking at her brings a smile to my face no matter how down or sad i am .. no matter what is wrong if i look at her .. or even a picture of her it brings a smile to me i cant be down when i look at her i cant be sad it all just goes away in the crest of her smile

times i spend with her i cherish times around her i love .... times i hold her i wish would last forever .. but i know everything great must end eventually .. and thus i must let go and know that my place with her is not in that position but i must stand and support her .. as the friend i am thre isnt anything i wouldnt do for her ... regardless of what position it puts me in .. its just me its how i am for her ..

im sitting here at 4am writing my heart out because its on my mind and soul ... i need to get it out even tho i know it wont help ... but its there on the table .. out of my fingers into the text

i know im going to hurt myself with this ... i already know but if i dont try then why am i here im not going to sit in the shadows and let the opurtunties pass me up because im afraid its going to hurt ... i expect it to hurt i just hafta deal with the fact im going to get hurt i know it ... but she's worth getting hurt a hundred times over i dont know why its what my heart tells me

and its not like i get this way with anyone .... i believe in life you have the people you never forget ... the ones who stay in your heart forever ... we all have them or we will some people call it love .. others this or that i call it the unforgetables the people no matter what happens they may pass your mind but given the right statement a flood of memories come back and you sit there remembering the good times and bad .. thats what she is to me someone i will never forget someone who isnt just a thing someone who you make a comment and a flood of memories and emoctions come back ... someone who is forever either tucked away memory for the right moment to come out or right ontop of your mind but forever none the less

why i dont know ... it happens ... like i said not everyone ... there are plenty of people who we forget ... they might have just been flings or this or that but none the less unless there name is mentioned we have forgotten about them she is definattely not one of them

who is this person i am going on about .... im not telling she knows who she is ... we've already talked about this ... its something thats alot easier on both of us if some of our friends didnt know but whatever its there i still care deeply for her .. if things work out awesome if not .. ok were friends .. and i still care about her deeply and i'll be here for her no matter what happenes

there are so many things i wish ..... but they would just complicate things more ... and she doesnt want that so here i am .... sitting on the side lines watching the game ... here to help patch the wounds but never play...

so here i sit .... so lost in my own demise
im on the verge of breaking down ... i mean i could just go cry it still hurts so much it wont leave my mind ... it just is there a pain in my thoughts ... always pushing its self to the front driving its self in like a nail never letting me forget or stop thinking about it ... god ... i cant have her ... why do you push thoughts of her so deep into my mind ....

to some of you who know me ... im sitting here on my computer .... half on the verge of crying i dont know why .. it just is such a pain in my life with it i dont know what to do ... what to say to her ..... i just dont know

(00:36:17) Lawryn: this guy is like obsessed with me and he wants to hang out but i dont really want to because he holds me on this pedistal in some way and it bothers me
(00:36:50) Necrogami: o.o
(00:36:53) Necrogami: O.o
(00:37:50) Lawryn: :-P
(00:37:16) Necrogami: *shrug i donno*
(00:37:25) Lawryn: oh well
(00:37:28) Necrogami: i saw rent tonight
(00:37:44) Lawryn: im jealous
(00:38:05) Necrogami: and .. i donno for the last 3 or so weeks i cant get my ex gf outta my head
(00:38:12) Necrogami: i've talked to her a few times
(00:38:23) Lawryn: im sorry hun
(00:38:24) Necrogami: but i just dont know if she knows how i feel(00:38:36) Necrogami: she's in a relationship now
(00:38:46) Necrogami: and i dont want to break anything up
(00:39:11) Necrogami: i mean i sat there while watching the movie ... and all i could think about is her
(00:39:28) Necrogami: im sitting here going why ..... why cant i get her outta my mind what is it about her
(00:39:34) Necrogami: :- \
(00:39:58) Lawryn: i do that with my ex sometimes
(00:40:54) Necrogami: if out of my 21 years of living... i had to pick one time in my life i was happiest ... it had to have been my time with her ... out of ANYTHING i've done ...
(00:41:20) Necrogami: to anyone who could ever ask me i can honestly say i love her
(00:41:31) Necrogami: and i just dont know what to do .... i just cant seem to get it outta my head
(00:42:07) Lawryn: im sorry hun
(00:43:06) Necrogami: cest le vie
(00:43:25) Lawryn: yup

I just dont know what to do i love her .... im talking about Destani ... i dont want to screw things up ... i know she's with eric ... but that dosnt stop me from remembering everything ... i love her so much ... it just sucks :(

So after posting about what has been going on i thought id update as for the last ... 6 months or so otherwise

So ive owned a company since 1998' Called Phoenix Edge Network
I've started a comic Strip(extreme work in progress) called Call Center Comic Call Center Comic Link
been working on the beginning design / learning stages of 3D Development and Game Software Development
im still alive .. always a plus haha

i mean life isnt bad anymore ive realized i dont care much anymore ... things are going to happen so i'll just deal with it as it happens ok
i mean i dont look down on things like i did then life is a uphill battle i refuse to slip any lower either i'll stay here or i'll go up thats just the brunt of it .. i look forward to what comes in the future ... im sitting here chatting with old friends remembering the good times of HS and all the good friends ... life's always gonna get better or be the same ... worse is just a way to try and look down on what is just the same

So as my list grows here on myspace more and more of my HS friends are being added.... most want to know whats life been like since HS well here's the rundown

Feb, 2002 i enlisted in the navy and it turned out to be one of the worst months of my life it started off with a good friend dieing in the end 14 good friends of mine died and so did my Grandfather (on St. Patricks Day)
June, 2002 I graduated HS and was supposed to depart from the military (i didnt due to Ingrown toenails)
Feb, 2003 I got a Medical Discharge from the US Navy for ADD and Psych Eval failure(WTF)
March, 2003 i was really down in life ... i (really hard to talk about) took my pistol stuck it to the side of my head and pulled the trigger .... the hammer dropped and the bullet didnt go off.... it was loaded .. i ejected the bullet and the hammer indent was on the bullet ... it never fired after that day i took all my weapons to Chi to a US Marshall friend of mine and he now has possition of them for 10 or so years
April 2003, my gf at the time was pregnant... after 2 months she miscarried ... i still think about it to this day .. she no longer speaks to me but the love for her will always remain and the thought of what could have become
July 2003, i brought in a friend of mine who had no place to live gave her my bed and i slept on the couch for the next 6 months .. then she moved out ungratefully and hasnt spoken with me since .. wow nice friend Thanks Steph
September 2003, i was laid off my job and started searching
Nov~Dec 22nd 2003 i was working then got fired because they didnt need the new help anymore thanks Indiana Right to work

Been out of major workl
barely getting by
Nov 2004 i got with someone whom i gave my heart to thought she was the one ... would have/still would give anything in the world for life was up ... everything in my life was great still out of work but working on it
Day before next event She broke up with me saying she regreted being with me that she wasnt over her previous bf my heart and life craked in half borken into thousands of pieces .. im still trying to peiece parts back together
June 2005 Started working for Calltech DSL Tech Support
Present (December) i took a break from Calltech for a bit and i should be starting Tuesday (Dec 13th) and going back to work

I've got Potential people in my life but i dont know how they think of me i like a few one i know wont work she's already made her mind up but i can still hope others i just dont know about there's lauren she itrigues me like no one has ever and i dont have any idea why Christina i know wont happen she already made her choice but i can still hope there's cindy tho i think i burned anything possiable back in the past .. i can still hope for good things there are a few other random people but those are the major people in my life

im living with mike massey and josh demaree .. its fun .. they pick on me all the time becuase i havent been working and it bugs the crap outta me to no end i had been looking for work and now that i have finally the chance to work there not stopping .. it pisss's me off like nothing else i dont know its life i love being here versus with my sister .. we get along alright but she has absolutely no respect for me or my feelings so i hafta comedown like im ruling that house with an iron fist to get any kind of respect and it sucks im not normally a person like taht but its how i hafta be

veichles: those who knew me in hs i drove my old ass beatup pickup well i still have and try to work on it whenever possiable buit liek now i am driving my dads car he loaned me ... it breaks down all the time but it gets me there sucks but its all i have .. hopefully if things work out i can get something else .. something mine something with a manual transmission .. lol i wish

thats it for now
Anton

So this is my farewell im leaving LJ, Myspace, AIM, and most of anything that reminds me of hurt .... who knows if i will ever return but its my decision Sorry about the Abruptness but its what im doing goodbye to all

so today was awesome execpt for the end
I slept in .. didnt go to church .. meh
got up decided to change my operationg system on my pc
then i hung out with christina we went for a walk on the downtown canal
on the way home the brakes on my car went out ~.~ so it was touch and go for teh rest of the way home ew
so i got christina home safely and the next half hr+ i was driving 15~20mph all the way home .. not so much fun
but on a lighter note

This is something i found on a site called bash.org LMFAO its funny you should like it


Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

Ok
I have found, definitive proof
that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
O_______O
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

Later
Anton

List 10 things that make you happy and then tag 5 others.

10. Fixing Things
9. Driving
8. Friends
7. Band goofiness
6. Weekends
5. Travelling
4. Relationships
3. Making People Laugh
2. Friends
1. Friends

I tag: well since bubtrfly tagged me i cant tag her back so i guess i dont have anyone to tag ... no friends

So today started out with confused church ..... we got to the right church had the shortest Traditional Service EVER! .. less than an Hr so its all good hung out here then we went to 93.9 The Songs Secret Star Concert ... With Warren Barfield ... the Secret star was Third Day .. who we guess already OMG i totally lost my voice .. like i can barely speak .. so its all good ... hehe but we are going nutz during this concert we were having so much fun ... ti was awesome .... till another time of hte Crazy Cow Poet

P.S. Christina is gonna make me actually write real postings .. so this could get interesting .. Yay Christina :-P

Walking in the Night
i can see a light in the distance
way far off
There you are ...
out there in the night
the light of the world
the only thing shining
day in day out
you are a light
a light for the night
to shine on
shining where others dont
such a pretty, Beautiful light you are
i would walk forever to see the light
just your light

Dedicated to Christina Papillon

Emergeing from the Cocoon a butterfly starts life
not starting from the beginning
but getting a second chance
things they may have had problems with before
are no longer problems in life
triumphs over life
the butterfly has a chance to spread
spread her wings and fly
not bound by the problems of legs
the bindings of the cocoon
the butterfly can fly
take flight o butterfly
spread your wings and enjoy the flight
for you are alive
you made the beauty
now live

Dedicated to Christina Papillon

So ... Here i am .... a livejournal user ... wow .. its a wierd day il tell you what ... ive never really had a ""Regular"" Blog .. it was usually something eather i wrote or randomly threw up that i never posted on ..so know knows i might acutally post here we shall see